A Few Good Reads

[[THANATOS].AnGeL]

A Marine And A Terrorist Wrote:A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the
road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine
was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad
leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn't know how to drive. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."

Latex Gloves Wrote:Latex Gloves
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

' Do you know how they make these gloves? ' he asked..

' No, I don't, ' she replied.

' Well, ' he spoofed, ' there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size. '

She didn't crack a smile.

' Oh, well. I tried, ' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

' What's so funny? ' he asked.

' I was just envisioning how condoms are made! '

Stimulus Package Wrote:THE STIMULUS PLAN:

It is a slow day in the East Texas town of Madisonville. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich tourist from the East is driving through town. He enters the only hotel in the sleepy town and lays a hundred dollar bill on the desk stating he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
As soon as the man walks up the stairs, the hotel proprietor takes the hundred dollar bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer then takes the $100 and heads off to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has lately had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the $100 to the hotel proprietor, paying for the rooms that she had rented when she brought clients to that establishment.

The hotel proprietor then lays the $100 bill back on the counter so the Rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler from the East walks back down the stairs, after inspecting the rooms. He picks up the $100 bill and states that the rooms are not satisfactory...... Pockets the money and walks out the door and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However the whole town is now out of debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism and hope.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

The Red Head Wrote:A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is
a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.


Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes
flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the
air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,'
the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they
go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh,
she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like
to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the
trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO
incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . . 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

Eve's Side Of The Story Wrote:After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied.. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden... < br>
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. Al l the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone. "

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

[[THANATOS].-Hades]

The Latex Glove & Stimulus Plan short stories were pretty good. The rest - junk.