Serious. What to do/say?

[[THANATOS].Sneye.GT]

Ok, totally serious time on this one. Playing the tune "How to Say Goodbye" from the soundtrack from Nick And Nora. And honestly trying not to cry like a baby. One of my best buddies (has been sick quite a while) has been admitted to the hospital, and isn't getting out. Now, I've posted this info in our private sections for a while now, but, I really need some help/advice/etc. here. He's one of the first guys I met here in Ontario, and has always been the go to guy for anything. Always the guy that's cooking you a steak dinner at 4 am while your bitching about your girlfriend/cost of gas/taxes/bosses/life in general, etc. Yeah, you all know the same guy. Your best buddy. Always knows exactly the right thing to say, even when he's going through worse than we can even imagine. Yeah, that's the guy.

Well, as I said, he's been admitted. And odds are very good that he's not getting out alive. Guy's been like a brother to me for almost 20 years. Nicest guy on the planet, bar none. He's had brain cancer and the surgery to attempt to fix it, as well as lung cancer, and some other big ass disease. Hard to keep track of.

Point is, for me anyway, it's very had to even talk/type this stuff, let alone actually talk to him about it. WTF am I supposed to say? Lie to him, tell him there's a miracle cure coming out any day now? He's not stupid enough to fall for it. And it wouldn't be right anyway. He know's he's dying and apparently his only goal is to see/inspect my new house. I'm not joking. He's dead set on seeing the house and doing his own inspection of it. What happens after the inspection though? Does he just lose his will to keep hanging on? Does he find something wrong and hang on until I fix it?

Sigh. Yeah, I know. There's really no answers. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I lived in the Yukon Territories for almost 10 years. Lost 4 buddies to bike accidents and drunk driving before I was 15. I'm fucking SICK of funerals! Why the fuck does all the bad shit happen to good people?

Yeah. I know, in a nutshell, shit happens. Deal with it. Life isn't fair. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. At the same time though, I know some of you have been through similar situations. I'm a fucking coward by nature when it comes to stuff like this, but he's too good of a friend for me to just try and stay away.

Any advice, help, thought, whatever are MORE than welcome. Hope I haven't depressed anyone TOO much. Thanks in advance.

[[THANATOS].Zer0-^GT]

Sorry to hear that sneye..

Cancer sucks. You cant discuss about that.

I've lost alot of relatives by the cause of it... My way of dealing with it was not too talk about it at all. That got me into some nasty situations after, since you feel so shitty about it. Talking about it is always a good thing.

Your buddy sounds like a reasonable and down to earth guy. I'm sure the last thing he wants you too say is: "You'll be fine, theres a medicine who cures 90%blablabla". Dont change yourself now that he's really sick and might not come out alive from the Hospital. I've learned people hate that. Be yourself, keep him compagny and talk with him.

The last funeral I was at, was my brothers. I hate them. I skipped atleast 6 since that time. Though that aint so much of a good idea, since you can actually get the feeling of saying goodbye too that one person for the very last time.


I wish you all the best buddy, be strong! And all the best 2 your friend aswell.... ofcourse somewhere I hope for a miracle to happen aswell, since he sounds like such a great guy! Nobody deserves this.

Zer0

[[THANATOS].Shiver-]

I'm sorry to say it, but nothing you can really say to him will make it "okay," buddy. People in that situation tend to fixate on some things so they don't have to think about their own situation, I think (such as focusing on your house). I just lost my favorite uncle to cancer myself, end stages were also in his brain... he went from random bouts of crying over it, to joking about it (I think a front, though, to be honest). Some people come to terms with dying better than others and in different ways, it's not a good or bad thing, just how it is.

I would suggest to try and treat him like any other day, but somehow find a way to express how much he means to you... maybe talk about old memories where he helped you out and such to segue into it. That way, even if he has come to terms with dying, he realizes how deeply he touched you... I know if I were in a similar situation, I'd love to know how little things I might not have even thought about at the time deeply affected someone I care about. I like to think anyone would want to know that stuff. I obviously don't know the guy or your relationship, but personally, if I had a friend in that situation I would try to talk to them about everyday things and talk about times we had together without sounding all sappy... just as if you were both healthy and happy and recounting drunken stories, etc.

I hope some of that helps :-\ . Sorry to hear this, man. I hope things turn for the up for him.

[[THANATOS].Metal]

First thing, I wholeheartedly believe that cancer is unnecessary.

Option #2:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deoxycholic_acid









Second, nothing you say or do is going to change how anyone feels about this, so your best bet is to let yourself feel whatever you're gonna feel. You're not some emotionless superman, nobody is. Any amount of drinking, drugs, hookers, isn't going to make the situation any easier for you.

Little story:

A few years ago I was in your same shoes with a friend of mine. He had complications with pneumonia, and was not expected to live. He was on some fucked up machine that nobody comes off of alive, and the doctors had him in a drug induced coma, for reasons I don't remember. What I do remember is: long nights at the hospital just sitting there, talkin' to him, "C'mon buddy, you can do this, kick this thing in the balls. You're too young to be doing this shit, c'mon man." Even though he couldn't respond at all, the sounds were still going into his ears, and ending up somewhere, so it didn't feel completely futile. It was HARD, real hard for everyone, all his friends and family, just beside ourselves. Any free time we had, it was immediately to the hospital to see how he's doing and commence mantra. We all silently hoped that one day we'd show up, and he'd be awake, and OK.
Long story short, that day HAPPENED. He made a full recovery, and is considered a medical miracle. They still hold seminars on his case to this day, and the doctors are all dumbfounded. I'm going to omit my theory as to why he's alive today, because it'll make me sound like a nutcase.


Bottom line: It doesn't matter how bleak the situation, never give up. He isn't dead yet. Remove "hopeless" from your vocabulary. He isn't gonna quit on you, so don't quit on him.

[[THANATOS].-Hades]

[THANATOS Wrote:.Shiver-' pid='17689' dateline='1290619051']
I'm sorry to say it, but nothing you can really say to him will make it "okay," buddy. People in that situation tend to fixate on some things so they don't have to think about their own situation, I think (such as focusing on your house). I just lost my favorite uncle to cancer myself, end stages were also in his brain... he went from random bouts of crying over it, to joking about it (I think a front, though, to be honest). Some people come to terms with dying better than others and in different ways, it's not a good or bad thing, just how it is.

I would suggest to try and treat him like any other day, but somehow find a way to express how much he means to you... maybe talk about old memories where he helped you out and such to segue into it. That way, even if he has come to terms with dying, he realizes how deeply he touched you... I know if I were in a similar situation, I'd love to know how little things I might not have even thought about at the time deeply affected someone I care about. I like to think anyone would want to know that stuff. I obviously don't know the guy or your relationship, but personally, if I had a friend in that situation I would try to talk to them about everyday things and talk about times we had together without sounding all sappy... just as if you were both healthy and happy and recounting drunken stories, etc.

I hope some of that helps :-\ . Sorry to hear this, man. I hope things turn for the up for him.

Pretty much this, treat him the way he was before all this BS happened. I'm pretty sure he realizes his situation and he would like it if you continue to just be his friend and help him enjoy his life. IDK how to put it into words but just help him realize that you're going to be there as his friend, no matter what happens. I don't think he wants to see you down and depressed, which is what is bound to happen.

Also, as Meatall said, don't give up hope. Try and convince your buddy to try out other alternative treatments (not bs stuff, but real experimental treatments that have shown results). If nothing works out, then just show your buddy how much you care and try to get him to enjoy the rest of his time to the fullest (do what you guys love, etc).

Don't know what else to say. Hopes and prayers for both of you.

[[THANATOS].Huntchuks]

I have nothing to contribute that others have not already said and am very sorry to hear about your friends changed condition.

[[THANATOS].Sneye.GT]

Well, first things first. I appreciate the kind words and good advice. Unfortunately Mike passed away. Funeral was Dec. 2nd. He was a good man, and will be sorely missed. He's survived by his ex and their 16 year old son. I'm gonna miss him.

[[THANATOS].Zer0-^GT]

[THANATOS Wrote:.Sneye.GT' pid='17722' dateline='1292869532']
Well, first things first. I appreciate the kind words and good advice. Unfortunately Mike passed away. Funeral was Dec. 2nd. He was a good man, and will be sorely missed. He's survived by his ex and their 16 year old son. I'm gonna miss him.

Very sorry to hear that Sneye.

My sincerest condolences to you and his family and friends.

May he rest in peace.

[[THANATOS].Metal]

Fuck.

[[THANATOS].Shiver-]

Sorry to hear that, man :-(